A small tool to view real-world ActivityPub objects as JSON! Enter a URL
or username from Mastodon or a similar service below, and we'll send a
request with
the right
Accept
header
to the server to view the underlying object.
{
"@context": "https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams",
"type": "OrderedCollectionPage",
"orderedItems": [
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1234241557725577216",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "Regret is such a bitter thing<br />It warps a soul<br />And haunts dreams<br />It's not to be ignored<br />And so crushes me<br />Like a piece of paper<br />Being crumpled up<br />Inside of me<br />I can't seem to reconcile<br />This reality<br />With what my heart was so sure<br />That it needs<br />When I cry,<br />My spirit bleeds<br />And the misery <br />On which it feeds<br />Doesn't drain away<br />But multiplies<br />Aren't these feelings supposed to fade<br />In time?<br />Shouldn't I be forgetting you by now?<br />Shouldn't your voice<br />Be long gone from my mind?<br />Why do I cling to these memories?<br />Why won't these <br />Sweet and angry words<br />Allow themselves<br />To be left behind?<br />Why do I fantasize<br />Every day<br />About things that will never happen<br />Anyway?<br />Why do I always want<br />The impossible?<br />Why can't I accept <br />That there's nothing else to say?<br />Why do I wake up<br />Every <br />Single<br />Day<br />Hoping that today will be the day<br />That you talk to me?<br />Even if it's just to tell me<br />That your heart has erased me<br />Even if you blame me<br />Even if you hate me<br />Even if it hurts<br />It's something<br />I suppose it's better this way<br />And sometimes I even convince myself<br />That it's the only way<br />But then I'll get hit<br />With these waves of pure pain<br />And all I'll want in the world <br />Is you<br />And then it's like my heart<br />Is broken anew<br />And I don't know what else to do<br />But write<br />And try to make it through<br />Another day<br />Living here<br />In the aftermath of you",
"to": [
"https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams#Public"
],
"cc": [
"https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/followers"
],
"tag": [],
"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1234241557725577216",
"published": "2021-04-28T20:35:18+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "Regret is such a bitter thing\nIt warps a soul\nAnd haunts dreams\nIt's not to be ignored\nAnd so crushes me\nLike a piece of paper\nBeing crumpled up\nInside of me\nI can't seem to reconcile\nThis reality\nWith what my heart was so sure\nThat it needs\nWhen I cry,\nMy spirit bleeds\nAnd the misery \nOn which it feeds\nDoesn't drain away\nBut multiplies\nAren't these feelings supposed to fade\nIn time?\nShouldn't I be forgetting you by now?\nShouldn't your voice\nBe long gone from my mind?\nWhy do I cling to these memories?\nWhy won't these \nSweet and angry words\nAllow themselves\nTo be left behind?\nWhy do I fantasize\nEvery day\nAbout things that will never happen\nAnyway?\nWhy do I always want\nThe impossible?\nWhy can't I accept \nThat there's nothing else to say?\nWhy do I wake up\nEvery \nSingle\nDay\nHoping that today will be the day\nThat you talk to me?\nEven if it's just to tell me\nThat your heart has erased me\nEven if you blame me\nEven if you hate me\nEven if it hurts\nIt's something\nI suppose it's better this way\nAnd sometimes I even convince myself\nThat it's the only way\nBut then I'll get hit\nWith these waves of pure pain\nAnd all I'll want in the world \nIs you\nAnd then it's like my heart\nIs broken anew\nAnd I don't know what else to do\nBut write\nAnd try to make it through\nAnother day\nLiving here\nIn the aftermath of you",
"mediaType": "text/plain"
}
},
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1234241557725577216/activity"
},
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1231810366550339584",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "<br /><br />You don't want to talk to me<br />Or me to talk to you<br />But you can't stop me<br />From thinking about you<br />But, if you can,<br />Can you stop these dreams<br />I have about you?<br />Can you make me<br />Stop envisioning <br />This future <br />I'll never have with you?<br />Can you please <br />Please <br />Stop my heart from loving you?<br />Stop my soul <br />From calling out for you<br />In every fucking dream?<br />Because every silent scream<br />Every time I blink <br />I'm struck anew<br />By this total <br />Utter lack of you <br />And my insides just<br />Sink <br />They sink and they shudder<br />And it makes me feel <br />So weak<br />And it's so easy <br />To let myself go under <br />And I fight against it<br />But my thoughts, <br />They are torture <br />And this forfeiture <br />It's not in my fucking nature<br />And I'm so angry <br />That I missed out on you <br />That for even a second <br />I came anywhere near hurting you <br />I think of all that's been said<br />All I would say<br />And I try<br />And I try<br />But I can't make you<br />Go away<br />This time ticks by<br />But nothing has changed <br />I still see you and hear you<br />I wake up yearning for you<br />Goddammit<br />I can't shake you <br />Because, in the end,<br />I simply <br />Miss you<br />In a way I can't really explain <br />And I hate my brain <br />For not letting me <br />Just let go of you<br />Why can't I fucking let go?<br />Why am I so drawn to you?<br />Why do I want to <br />Drown in you <br />Why can't I stop thinking <br />Of all the things I don't know,<br />Those many facets of you <br />That fascinate me <br />How do I <br />Extract you from me?<br />Can you tell me?<br />Please?<br />If you have this ability<br />Would you please show mercy?<br />Even if I don't deserve it?<br />Out of pity?<br />For a being that's broken<br />And worthless?<br />Tell me how to leave you <br />Behind me <br />Tell me how to not worry <br />Tell me how to forget <br />The way you touched something <br />Inside me <br />Please, even if it's <br />The last thing you say to me<br />Convince me<br />That you'd never be happy with me<br />That you never want to talk to me<br />That you should mean nothing to me<br />Because<br />I am<br />Suffering <br />And I don't want to anymore <br />I just fucking miss you <br />And you locked the door <br /><br />",
"to": [
"https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams#Public"
],
"cc": [
"https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/followers"
],
"tag": [],
"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1231810366550339584",
"published": "2021-04-22T03:34:37+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "\n\nYou don't want to talk to me\nOr me to talk to you\nBut you can't stop me\nFrom thinking about you\nBut, if you can,\nCan you stop these dreams\nI have about you?\nCan you make me\nStop envisioning \nThis future \nI'll never have with you?\nCan you please \nPlease \nStop my heart from loving you?\nStop my soul \nFrom calling out for you\nIn every fucking dream?\nBecause every silent scream\nEvery time I blink \nI'm struck anew\nBy this total \nUtter lack of you \nAnd my insides just\nSink \nThey sink and they shudder\nAnd it makes me feel \nSo weak\nAnd it's so easy \nTo let myself go under \nAnd I fight against it\nBut my thoughts, \nThey are torture \nAnd this forfeiture \nIt's not in my fucking nature\nAnd I'm so angry \nThat I missed out on you \nThat for even a second \nI came anywhere near hurting you \nI think of all that's been said\nAll I would say\nAnd I try\nAnd I try\nBut I can't make you\nGo away\nThis time ticks by\nBut nothing has changed \nI still see you and hear you\nI wake up yearning for you\nGoddammit\nI can't shake you \nBecause, in the end,\nI simply \nMiss you\nIn a way I can't really explain \nAnd I hate my brain \nFor not letting me \nJust let go of you\nWhy can't I fucking let go?\nWhy am I so drawn to you?\nWhy do I want to \nDrown in you \nWhy can't I stop thinking \nOf all the things I don't know,\nThose many facets of you \nThat fascinate me \nHow do I \nExtract you from me?\nCan you tell me?\nPlease?\nIf you have this ability\nWould you please show mercy?\nEven if I don't deserve it?\nOut of pity?\nFor a being that's broken\nAnd worthless?\nTell me how to leave you \nBehind me \nTell me how to not worry \nTell me how to forget \nThe way you touched something \nInside me \nPlease, even if it's \nThe last thing you say to me\nConvince me\nThat you'd never be happy with me\nThat you never want to talk to me\nThat you should mean nothing to me\nBecause\nI am\nSuffering \nAnd I don't want to anymore \nI just fucking miss you \nAnd you locked the door \n\n",
"mediaType": "text/plain"
}
},
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1231810366550339584/activity"
},
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1230686021557682176",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "I move myself back<br />Ever so slightly <br />From the fire<br />The flames, fed anew<br />Burst forth<br />And reach higher <br />I like it here<br />Under the budding branches <br />Of the black walnut tree<br />This air tinged with smoke<br />That I breathe<br />That somehow comforts me<br />And the blue skies<br />And white clouds <br />That I see<br />High above me<br />Look so promising <br />As I sit here<br />Contentedly <br />With my pen<br />Ready to write<br />The sun has moved on now<br />And colored the clouds<br />The soft pastel shades<br />Of the approaching night<br />Fewer and fewer birds<br />Are taking flight<br />They're all settling in <br />And chattering their songs<br />About the fading of the light<br />And I too<br />Must soon<br />Make my way inside for the night<br />But maybe just<br />A few moments longer <br />The air is so still <br />With just enough chill <br />To make me so comfortable <br />But, darkness creeps<br />Ever stronger<br />And with it a chill wind<br />To shoo me inside <br />My time out here <br />Has come to an end <br />And so, goodnight <br />Old friends <br />Open air and birdsong<br />Thank you for always being there<br />When I'm ready to<br />Enjoy you again<br />Another day<br />Come to an end<br />And I'm grateful for it<br />Now I'll sleep<br />Perhaps dream<br />Until tomorrow begins <br /><br />",
"to": [
"https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams#Public"
],
"cc": [
"https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/followers"
],
"tag": [],
"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1230686021557682176",
"published": "2021-04-19T01:06:52+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "I move myself back\nEver so slightly \nFrom the fire\nThe flames, fed anew\nBurst forth\nAnd reach higher \nI like it here\nUnder the budding branches \nOf the black walnut tree\nThis air tinged with smoke\nThat I breathe\nThat somehow comforts me\nAnd the blue skies\nAnd white clouds \nThat I see\nHigh above me\nLook so promising \nAs I sit here\nContentedly \nWith my pen\nReady to write\nThe sun has moved on now\nAnd colored the clouds\nThe soft pastel shades\nOf the approaching night\nFewer and fewer birds\nAre taking flight\nThey're all settling in \nAnd chattering their songs\nAbout the fading of the light\nAnd I too\nMust soon\nMake my way inside for the night\nBut maybe just\nA few moments longer \nThe air is so still \nWith just enough chill \nTo make me so comfortable \nBut, darkness creeps\nEver stronger\nAnd with it a chill wind\nTo shoo me inside \nMy time out here \nHas come to an end \nAnd so, goodnight \nOld friends \nOpen air and birdsong\nThank you for always being there\nWhen I'm ready to\nEnjoy you again\nAnother day\nCome to an end\nAnd I'm grateful for it\nNow I'll sleep\nPerhaps dream\nUntil tomorrow begins \n\n",
"mediaType": "text/plain"
}
},
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1230686021557682176/activity"
},
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1229593205108940800",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "Spring 2020<br /><br />All I want<br />Right now<br />Is to be left alone<br />A freedom from this<br />Neediness<br />I am not made <br />To endure for long<br />Under these conditions <br />This clinginess <br />This profound sadness<br />I just don't have<br />The patience for it<br />Sick of feeling <br />Sorry for it<br />Perpetually <br />Apologetic <br />Perpetually <br />Suppressing me<br />Perpetually <br />Second-guessing me<br />And twisting my words<br />Introducing me<br />To self-doubt<br />Until everything <br />I've ever thought <br />Seems pathetic <br />Because you simply<br />Just don't get it<br />And I don't have<br />The energy<br />To explain <br />Nor do I <br />Have the ability<br />To bare myself before you<br />To open myself <br />To the belittlement <br />Of my pain<br />I am too proud <br />I am too vain<br />And so I swallow it all<br />And put on a<br />Responsible face <br />A presentable face<br />And I play this game<br />And I see that I'm <br />Being tamed<br />And inside <br />I rebel against it<br />Even as, outside,<br />I just go with it<br />And I slowly seethe<br />But never boil<br />Never be free<br />Never just be me<br />Always restrained<br />Always a bit in the mouth<br />Always some kind of chain <br />Maybe you're afraid<br />Of what you know <br />I would be<br />An animal on the loose<br />An animal free<br />How could you ever<br />Keep up with me<br />When your eyes tell me<br />That you're scared of me<br />That you think you can fix me<br />That you think I need fixing <br />And yet claim to love me<br />When what you love<br />Is an image <br />And I try<br />So hard<br />To fulfill it<br />But it's difficult <br />When I have the knowledge <br />That I am so much more <br />Than anything <br />You've ever acknowledged <br />How long my soul has been bleeding <br />Steadily seeping<br />Never healing <br />Confined as it is<br />And you don't see it<br />You don't even see<br />That you're a cage<br />That I'm dying in it<br />I can't breathe <br />Because of it<br />I beat my head<br />Against the bars <br />Because violence <br />And rage<br />Feels better<br />Than crying about it<br />And that's all<br />That you notice<br />My words <br />Have no value <br />So I speak<br />With my fists<br />And I hit <br />With my fists<br />Even as I ask myself<br />Why am I like this?<br />And when<br />The rage subsides <br />I crawl back in my cage<br />Like an animal <br />Tranquilized <br />And I die<br />A little bit more <br />Inside <br />Forced to smile<br />To be put on display <br />To always watch<br />What I say<br />To be convincing <br />When I play<br />At being a person <br />When I cultivate <br />Some version <br />Of myself <br />So as not to scare <br />Anyone else<br />See how docile <br />I can be!<br />See how well<br />You've trained me!<br />Isn't it impressive?<br />Aren't you proud of yourself?<br />Isn't this what love is?<br />I don't know anything else<br />And so I retreat<br />Into myself<br />Until the next<br />Fit of rage<br />And I swallow the pain<br />And I put on a smile<br />And wait",
"to": [
"https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams#Public"
],
"cc": [
"https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/followers"
],
"tag": [],
"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1229593205108940800",
"published": "2021-04-16T00:44:24+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "Spring 2020\n\nAll I want\nRight now\nIs to be left alone\nA freedom from this\nNeediness\nI am not made \nTo endure for long\nUnder these conditions \nThis clinginess \nThis profound sadness\nI just don't have\nThe patience for it\nSick of feeling \nSorry for it\nPerpetually \nApologetic \nPerpetually \nSuppressing me\nPerpetually \nSecond-guessing me\nAnd twisting my words\nIntroducing me\nTo self-doubt\nUntil everything \nI've ever thought \nSeems pathetic \nBecause you simply\nJust don't get it\nAnd I don't have\nThe energy\nTo explain \nNor do I \nHave the ability\nTo bare myself before you\nTo open myself \nTo the belittlement \nOf my pain\nI am too proud \nI am too vain\nAnd so I swallow it all\nAnd put on a\nResponsible face \nA presentable face\nAnd I play this game\nAnd I see that I'm \nBeing tamed\nAnd inside \nI rebel against it\nEven as, outside,\nI just go with it\nAnd I slowly seethe\nBut never boil\nNever be free\nNever just be me\nAlways restrained\nAlways a bit in the mouth\nAlways some kind of chain \nMaybe you're afraid\nOf what you know \nI would be\nAn animal on the loose\nAn animal free\nHow could you ever\nKeep up with me\nWhen your eyes tell me\nThat you're scared of me\nThat you think you can fix me\nThat you think I need fixing \nAnd yet claim to love me\nWhen what you love\nIs an image \nAnd I try\nSo hard\nTo fulfill it\nBut it's difficult \nWhen I have the knowledge \nThat I am so much more \nThan anything \nYou've ever acknowledged \nHow long my soul has been bleeding \nSteadily seeping\nNever healing \nConfined as it is\nAnd you don't see it\nYou don't even see\nThat you're a cage\nThat I'm dying in it\nI can't breathe \nBecause of it\nI beat my head\nAgainst the bars \nBecause violence \nAnd rage\nFeels better\nThan crying about it\nAnd that's all\nThat you notice\nMy words \nHave no value \nSo I speak\nWith my fists\nAnd I hit \nWith my fists\nEven as I ask myself\nWhy am I like this?\nAnd when\nThe rage subsides \nI crawl back in my cage\nLike an animal \nTranquilized \nAnd I die\nA little bit more \nInside \nForced to smile\nTo be put on display \nTo always watch\nWhat I say\nTo be convincing \nWhen I play\nAt being a person \nWhen I cultivate \nSome version \nOf myself \nSo as not to scare \nAnyone else\nSee how docile \nI can be!\nSee how well\nYou've trained me!\nIsn't it impressive?\nAren't you proud of yourself?\nIsn't this what love is?\nI don't know anything else\nAnd so I retreat\nInto myself\nUntil the next\nFit of rage\nAnd I swallow the pain\nAnd I put on a smile\nAnd wait",
"mediaType": "text/plain"
}
},
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1229593205108940800/activity"
},
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1228873356949823488",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "This pain <br />Comes in waves <br />Crashing <br />Like a storm in the ocean <br />It drenches me <br />And pulls at me <br />Tries to carry me <br />It batters me <br />Never stops it's <br />Perpetual motion <br />How long can I stand here?<br />This sand is gritty <br />Between my toes <br />I look out into<br />Infinity<br />And wonder<br />How far out I can go <br />Before I disappear <br />I've been standing <br />In this same spot<br />On this beach <br />For years <br />With these winds <br />That erode me<br />Eat away at me <br />Until all that is left <br />Is a small piece of me <br />Insignificant <br />And born dying <br />Never alive <br />Just a cold heart <br />That won't stop beating <br />That won't admit <br />Any feeling <br />And a mind that can't <br />Stop lying<br />Especially to itself <br />And I look out at this<br />Powerful desolation <br />And realize <br />I've never allowed myself <br />To see anything else<br />To consider that<br />There might be more<br />Than this<br />Unforgiving, <br />Harsh and endless sea<br />I've just never turned around <br />To find out <br />What might be<br />What I might see<br />Right behind me <br />What might have been there<br />This whole,<br />Endless time<br />And now my<br />Curiosity <br />Has gotten the better of me<br />I no longer want to be<br />Stationary,<br />But turn around<br />And see <br />What horrors <br />Or wonders <br />I might find",
"to": [
"https://www.w3.org/ns/activitystreams#Public"
],
"cc": [
"https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/followers"
],
"tag": [],
"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1228873356949823488",
"published": "2021-04-14T01:03:59+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "This pain \nComes in waves \nCrashing \nLike a storm in the ocean \nIt drenches me \nAnd pulls at me \nTries to carry me \nIt batters me \nNever stops it's \nPerpetual motion \nHow long can I stand here?\nThis sand is gritty \nBetween my toes \nI look out into\nInfinity\nAnd wonder\nHow far out I can go \nBefore I disappear \nI've been standing \nIn this same spot\nOn this beach \nFor years \nWith these winds \nThat erode me\nEat away at me \nUntil all that is left \nIs a small piece of me \nInsignificant \nAnd born dying \nNever alive \nJust a cold heart \nThat won't stop beating \nThat won't admit \nAny feeling \nAnd a mind that can't \nStop lying\nEspecially to itself \nAnd I look out at this\nPowerful desolation \nAnd realize \nI've never allowed myself \nTo see anything else\nTo consider that\nThere might be more\nThan this\nUnforgiving, \nHarsh and endless sea\nI've just never turned around \nTo find out \nWhat might be\nWhat I might see\nRight behind me \nWhat might have been there\nThis whole,\nEndless time\nAnd now my\nCuriosity \nHas gotten the better of me\nI no longer want to be\nStationary,\nBut turn around\nAnd see \nWhat horrors \nOr wonders \nI might find",
"mediaType": "text/plain"
}
},
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1228873356949823488/activity"
},
{
"type": "Create",
"actor": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"object": {
"type": "Note",
"id": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284/entities/urn:activity:1228775761057587200",
"attributedTo": "https://www.minds.com/api/activitypub/users/1147979754884833284",
"content": "Your dark wolf flares<br />And bares<br />It's fangs<br />Dripping with jealousy<br />The ghost <br />Of broken trust<br />It clings zealously<br />Whispers in your ear<br />And taints what you see of me<br />How you think of me<br />Because<br />Why wouldn't it be<br />Like all the other<br />Many<br />Times before?<br />Why wouldn't you <br />Run to an open door<br />Just to have it<br />Slammed in your face,<br />Everyone laughing<br />At your broken nose?<br />And the anger builds<br />Even as the taste<br />Of your own blood <br />Seeps down your throat<br />And you swallow it<br />And you dream of death<br />Because it's better than <br />Allowing yourself<br />To wallow in it<br />Yet every time,<br />You find yourself<br />Rising above it<br />Just to get knocked down again<br />Still, you rise above it<br />And you look at the world<br />And see nothing good in it<br />But then you discover<br />Something that makes you <br />Want to uncover<br />All the things that were crushed<br />By too many times<br />Rushing headlong<br />Into a door<br />Something that kindles <br />Your trust<br />Something that could be<br />Different <br />From anything before<br />And you find yourself torn<br />Because <br />You really do want me <br />You want what we could have<br />But you're afraid<br />It's a dream<br />That I'm not what I seem<br />Because it's easy to lie<br />When you're not there<br />To see the truth<br />With your own eyes<br />And it kills you inside<br />But I see how you fight<br />Against it<br />I see you try so hard<br />It's a valiant fight<br />And you are my champion<br />Don't you see yet that I <br />Understand it?<br />That I<br />Don't blame you for it?<br />That your feelings are valid?<br />That I love you for it?<br />You pushed me away<br />But I wouldn't stand for it<br />I laid my claim<br />And I was willing fight for it<br />Change my entire life for it<br />Travel to the ends<br />Of the earth<br />For it<br />You are all that I've wanted<br />I've dreamed of you<br />Before I knew you existed<br />I never really thought<br />Someone like you existed<br />And you call me a chicken<br />For not being prepared for it<br />For being a little scared of it<br />For feeling<br />So deeply <br />That I don't know what to do with it<br />And I see now <br />That we can't help but be <br />Burned by it<br />This light burns too bright<br />And too much hurt<br />Comes with it<br />And we've both had <br />Enough of that<br />And regret will follow me <br />Every time I <br />Look back<br />But I have to move forward now<br />I will always miss you<br />But I have to get over you<br />And someday<br />When your voice fades <br />From my ears<br />I will learn how",
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"published": "2021-04-13T18:36:10+00:00",
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"content": "Your dark wolf flares\nAnd bares\nIt's fangs\nDripping with jealousy\nThe ghost \nOf broken trust\nIt clings zealously\nWhispers in your ear\nAnd taints what you see of me\nHow you think of me\nBecause\nWhy wouldn't it be\nLike all the other\nMany\nTimes before?\nWhy wouldn't you \nRun to an open door\nJust to have it\nSlammed in your face,\nEveryone laughing\nAt your broken nose?\nAnd the anger builds\nEven as the taste\nOf your own blood \nSeeps down your throat\nAnd you swallow it\nAnd you dream of death\nBecause it's better than \nAllowing yourself\nTo wallow in it\nYet every time,\nYou find yourself\nRising above it\nJust to get knocked down again\nStill, you rise above it\nAnd you look at the world\nAnd see nothing good in it\nBut then you discover\nSomething that makes you \nWant to uncover\nAll the things that were crushed\nBy too many times\nRushing headlong\nInto a door\nSomething that kindles \nYour trust\nSomething that could be\nDifferent \nFrom anything before\nAnd you find yourself torn\nBecause \nYou really do want me \nYou want what we could have\nBut you're afraid\nIt's a dream\nThat I'm not what I seem\nBecause it's easy to lie\nWhen you're not there\nTo see the truth\nWith your own eyes\nAnd it kills you inside\nBut I see how you fight\nAgainst it\nI see you try so hard\nIt's a valiant fight\nAnd you are my champion\nDon't you see yet that I \nUnderstand it?\nThat I\nDon't blame you for it?\nThat your feelings are valid?\nThat I love you for it?\nYou pushed me away\nBut I wouldn't stand for it\nI laid my claim\nAnd I was willing fight for it\nChange my entire life for it\nTravel to the ends\nOf the earth\nFor it\nYou are all that I've wanted\nI've dreamed of you\nBefore I knew you existed\nI never really thought\nSomeone like you existed\nAnd you call me a chicken\nFor not being prepared for it\nFor being a little scared of it\nFor feeling\nSo deeply \nThat I don't know what to do with it\nAnd I see now \nThat we can't help but be \nBurned by it\nThis light burns too bright\nAnd too much hurt\nComes with it\nAnd we've both had \nEnough of that\nAnd regret will follow me \nEvery time I \nLook back\nBut I have to move forward now\nI will always miss you\nBut I have to get over you\nAnd someday\nWhen your voice fades \nFrom my ears\nI will learn how",
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"content": "April 13 2021<br /><br />I think of you<br />Every day<br />Almost as if<br />Nothing's changed<br />And I feel <br />Gutted<br />I miss the way<br />You made<br />My heart pound<br />And I want more of it<br />But it just isn't<br />Meant to be<br />And it hurts<br />So deeply<br />To separate entirely<br />But I'm no good to you<br />To anyone<br />Until I work on me<br />But for a time<br />Something stirred in me<br />Magically<br />Your voice<br />Stroked my soul<br />So beautifully<br />You are so <br />Beautiful to me <br />And I'm sorry<br />For being <br />Just another drop<br />Of pain<br />In your ocean<br />And I hope<br />One day<br />You can forgive me<br />Forgive me for being<br />Such a massive disappointment<br />But I see now<br />Clearly<br />That I could never leave<br />That everything I needed<br />Was always <br />Right in front of me<br />And I still think of you<br />Every day<br />Lovingly<br />But I'm letting you go<br />You<br />Of the sweetest voice<br />And most brilliant mind<br />And as much as it<br />Crushes me<br />I'm leaving you behind",
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"published": "2021-04-13T15:43:47+00:00",
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"content": "April 13 2021\n\nI think of you\nEvery day\nAlmost as if\nNothing's changed\nAnd I feel \nGutted\nI miss the way\nYou made\nMy heart pound\nAnd I want more of it\nBut it just isn't\nMeant to be\nAnd it hurts\nSo deeply\nTo separate entirely\nBut I'm no good to you\nTo anyone\nUntil I work on me\nBut for a time\nSomething stirred in me\nMagically\nYour voice\nStroked my soul\nSo beautifully\nYou are so \nBeautiful to me \nAnd I'm sorry\nFor being \nJust another drop\nOf pain\nIn your ocean\nAnd I hope\nOne day\nYou can forgive me\nForgive me for being\nSuch a massive disappointment\nBut I see now\nClearly\nThat I could never leave\nThat everything I needed\nWas always \nRight in front of me\nAnd I still think of you\nEvery day\nLovingly\nBut I'm letting you go\nYou\nOf the sweetest voice\nAnd most brilliant mind\nAnd as much as it\nCrushes me\nI'm leaving you behind",
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"content": "Every day<br />A little brighter <br />Every day <br />I'm one day lighter<br />Even as <br />Fresh waves<br />Of guilt <br />And sadness <br />Pass over me<br />Even as<br />I'm hit anew <br />With reality <br />And the full scope<br />Of all my regrets<br />Is shoved before me<br />And I can't close my eyes<br />Can't avoid<br />Anymore <br />What I've been avoiding <br />My whole life<br />And so<br />I let myself feel it<br />Sometimes <br />I have to force myself <br />To feel it<br />But I wait it out <br />And I accept it<br />And deal with it<br />And it's such a<br />Strange feeling<br />But such freedom <br />Comes with it<br />That I can't wait<br />For tomorrow <br />Another day <br />To unload<br />Some more of this sorrow <br />And feel love <br />Take it's place<br />This acceptance <br />This love <br />That's been in front of my face <br />The entire time<br />I just wouldn't see it<br />Refused to get<br />Near to it<br />And shoved it<br />Away<br />But now I grow closer to it<br />Every day<br />And I'll take my time with it<br />Because, <br />I've been told,<br />It's never too late<br />I can't undo<br />My mistakes <br />But I can admit to them<br />And it's so hard <br />To live with them <br />But I see,<br />Now, <br />That I have help<br />And I'll take that help <br />And I'll find my way ",
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"published": "2021-04-13T01:03:12+00:00",
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"content": "Every day\nA little brighter \nEvery day \nI'm one day lighter\nEven as \nFresh waves\nOf guilt \nAnd sadness \nPass over me\nEven as\nI'm hit anew \nWith reality \nAnd the full scope\nOf all my regrets\nIs shoved before me\nAnd I can't close my eyes\nCan't avoid\nAnymore \nWhat I've been avoiding \nMy whole life\nAnd so\nI let myself feel it\nSometimes \nI have to force myself \nTo feel it\nBut I wait it out \nAnd I accept it\nAnd deal with it\nAnd it's such a\nStrange feeling\nBut such freedom \nComes with it\nThat I can't wait\nFor tomorrow \nAnother day \nTo unload\nSome more of this sorrow \nAnd feel love \nTake it's place\nThis acceptance \nThis love \nThat's been in front of my face \nThe entire time\nI just wouldn't see it\nRefused to get\nNear to it\nAnd shoved it\nAway\nBut now I grow closer to it\nEvery day\nAnd I'll take my time with it\nBecause, \nI've been told,\nIt's never too late\nI can't undo\nMy mistakes \nBut I can admit to them\nAnd it's so hard \nTo live with them \nBut I see,\nNow, \nThat I have help\nAnd I'll take that help \nAnd I'll find my way ",
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"content": "Cheboygan, February 2021<br /><br />Snowflakes ride<br />A frigid winter breeze<br />Passing by the blinding sun<br />A fiery blaze of light <br />Burning <br />Through the branches <br />Of the trees<br />Such a scene!<br />So pristine!<br />The still silence <br />Calls to me<br />I wish to run free<br />Even if it means<br />Freezing me<br />I believe in me <br />I will rise up<br />From the snow<br />That buries me<br />The drifts,<br />They carry me<br />Far beyond the birches<br />And into the vast moonlight<br />Where everything, <br />Illuminated,<br />Is beautiful <br />Where everything is right<br />Where I can sleep at night<br />Without these dreams <br />That disturb me",
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"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1228496035603505152",
"published": "2021-04-13T00:04:39+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "Cheboygan, February 2021\n\nSnowflakes ride\nA frigid winter breeze\nPassing by the blinding sun\nA fiery blaze of light \nBurning \nThrough the branches \nOf the trees\nSuch a scene!\nSo pristine!\nThe still silence \nCalls to me\nI wish to run free\nEven if it means\nFreezing me\nI believe in me \nI will rise up\nFrom the snow\nThat buries me\nThe drifts,\nThey carry me\nFar beyond the birches\nAnd into the vast moonlight\nWhere everything, \nIlluminated,\nIs beautiful \nWhere everything is right\nWhere I can sleep at night\nWithout these dreams \nThat disturb me",
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"content": "My stomach <br />In knots<br />Churning <br />Like the thoughts <br />In my head<br />Searching <br />For the right words<br />To bring all of this <br />To an end<br />I can no longer<br />Pretend <br />That I'm here with you <br />Willingly <br />That we'd be together <br />If we didn't have <br />A family<br />That I've not felt<br />Trapped<br />Perpetually <br />I don't want<br />To feel trapped <br />And I hate this cage<br />That you built for me<br />I'm dying here <br />And you try<br />And you try<br />But you can't make it<br />Grow on me<br />And what really throws me<br />Is how hard<br />How very hard<br />I see you try<br />For me<br />But I can't return <br />This feeling<br />Because everything <br />Eventually <br />Gets turned back on me<br />And the sadness <br />In your eyes <br />Seems to follow me<br />Guilt swallows me<br />And I'm so tired<br />Of being the cause<br />Of this pain<br />Everywhere I turn<br />Blame<br />Stares me in the face<br />There's no <br />Escaping from it <br />And I've not learned <br />How to deal with it<br />And so I run from it <br />And turn my<br />Back on it<br />I close myself off to it<br />And close myself off<br />From everything else<br />And I'm so tired of it<br />Tired of thinking<br />Of death<br />And being <br />Inspired by it<br />Tired of not trusting <br />The truth<br />Unless there's a lie in it<br />Tired of wanting <br />Happiness <br />And then watching <br />Life<br />Passing me by with it<br />So, so tired<br />Of all of it<br />These thoughts<br />Swirl in my head<br />As I prepare<br />To bring this<br />To an end<br />And await the ramifications <br />The inevitable <br />Consequences <br />Of this cloud of <br />Suppressed rage<br />That infects<br />All my actions <br />I poison <br />The world with it<br />Poison everything I touch<br />With it<br />Everyone around me<br />Is made sick by it<br />And the more that I<br />Think on it<br />The more I believe <br />That things<br />Will be<br />So much brighter<br />Without me",
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"published": "2021-04-12T23:56:48+00:00",
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"content": "My stomach \nIn knots\nChurning \nLike the thoughts \nIn my head\nSearching \nFor the right words\nTo bring all of this \nTo an end\nI can no longer\nPretend \nThat I'm here with you \nWillingly \nThat we'd be together \nIf we didn't have \nA family\nThat I've not felt\nTrapped\nPerpetually \nI don't want\nTo feel trapped \nAnd I hate this cage\nThat you built for me\nI'm dying here \nAnd you try\nAnd you try\nBut you can't make it\nGrow on me\nAnd what really throws me\nIs how hard\nHow very hard\nI see you try\nFor me\nBut I can't return \nThis feeling\nBecause everything \nEventually \nGets turned back on me\nAnd the sadness \nIn your eyes \nSeems to follow me\nGuilt swallows me\nAnd I'm so tired\nOf being the cause\nOf this pain\nEverywhere I turn\nBlame\nStares me in the face\nThere's no \nEscaping from it \nAnd I've not learned \nHow to deal with it\nAnd so I run from it \nAnd turn my\nBack on it\nI close myself off to it\nAnd close myself off\nFrom everything else\nAnd I'm so tired of it\nTired of thinking\nOf death\nAnd being \nInspired by it\nTired of not trusting \nThe truth\nUnless there's a lie in it\nTired of wanting \nHappiness \nAnd then watching \nLife\nPassing me by with it\nSo, so tired\nOf all of it\nThese thoughts\nSwirl in my head\nAs I prepare\nTo bring this\nTo an end\nAnd await the ramifications \nThe inevitable \nConsequences \nOf this cloud of \nSuppressed rage\nThat infects\nAll my actions \nI poison \nThe world with it\nPoison everything I touch\nWith it\nEveryone around me\nIs made sick by it\nAnd the more that I\nThink on it\nThe more I believe \nThat things\nWill be\nSo much brighter\nWithout me",
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"content": "Beautiful disaster<br />Unbelievable <br />And laughable<br />When looked back upon<br />With freshly opened eyes<br /><br />I look around me now<br />And I recognize <br />All that I<br />Would have sacrificed <br />For a glorious mistake <br /><br />I longed for freedom <br />To run away and escape <br />I thought the only answer <br />Was to leave everything<br />To disappear, far away <br /><br />Because I felt<br />So constrained <br />And I wanted to be free<br />But now I see<br />I couldn't have run anyway <br /><br />Now I see<br />That I built myself<br />My own cage<br />There's no escaping <br />The walls of your own making<br /><br />And now I see<br />That I've been trying to run<br />From myself <br />And not anyone else<br />That I am my own worst enemy <br /><br />And I let it all out<br />A lifetime of guilt <br />And longing, and doubt<br />I bared my whole self<br />And found myself...accepted<br /><br />I found myself...<br />Loved<br />In a way that I never expected <br />And now, I feel free<br />Ready to take whatever the next step is<br /><br />Maybe this time <br />I can do it right<br />Maybe I can work hard to handle <br />This constant battle <br />And never give up the fight<br /><br />Something inside of me<br />Feels light<br />Like I have been emptied <br />But I'm not hollow<br />I am full of feeling<br /><br />My head and heart are reeling<br />Yet it somehow feels right <br />And as much as it hurts <br />I no longer desire to take flight,<br />But to stay and heal myself <br /><br />Until I start healing<br />I am of no use to anyone else <br />I've always held back, closed off <br />Any emotion that I felt <br />And I actually see it now<br /><br />I desire to fix it now<br />And it's hard and it hurts<br />And it's work<br />But I'm learning how<br />And everything will be alright <br />",
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"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1228197550846951424",
"published": "2021-04-12T04:18:34+00:00",
"source": {
"content": "Beautiful disaster\nUnbelievable \nAnd laughable\nWhen looked back upon\nWith freshly opened eyes\n\nI look around me now\nAnd I recognize \nAll that I\nWould have sacrificed \nFor a glorious mistake \n\nI longed for freedom \nTo run away and escape \nI thought the only answer \nWas to leave everything\nTo disappear, far away \n\nBecause I felt\nSo constrained \nAnd I wanted to be free\nBut now I see\nI couldn't have run anyway \n\nNow I see\nThat I built myself\nMy own cage\nThere's no escaping \nThe walls of your own making\n\nAnd now I see\nThat I've been trying to run\nFrom myself \nAnd not anyone else\nThat I am my own worst enemy \n\nAnd I let it all out\nA lifetime of guilt \nAnd longing, and doubt\nI bared my whole self\nAnd found myself...accepted\n\nI found myself...\nLoved\nIn a way that I never expected \nAnd now, I feel free\nReady to take whatever the next step is\n\nMaybe this time \nI can do it right\nMaybe I can work hard to handle \nThis constant battle \nAnd never give up the fight\n\nSomething inside of me\nFeels light\nLike I have been emptied \nBut I'm not hollow\nI am full of feeling\n\nMy head and heart are reeling\nYet it somehow feels right \nAnd as much as it hurts \nI no longer desire to take flight,\nBut to stay and heal myself \n\nUntil I start healing\nI am of no use to anyone else \nI've always held back, closed off \nAny emotion that I felt \nAnd I actually see it now\n\nI desire to fix it now\nAnd it's hard and it hurts\nAnd it's work\nBut I'm learning how\nAnd everything will be alright \n",
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"content": "After all these years<br />Of enforced silence <br />Can I teach my soul <br />To sing again, for you?<br />After all these years<br />Of being ridiculed into shyness <br />Can I teach my heart <br />To open itself, at last, to you?<br />Or will I be another <br />Disappointment <br />To you?<br />I think these thoughts<br />And I can't bear it<br />This self-doubt<br />Woven so thick<br />I've been forced to wear it <br />Unable to shed it<br />Destroy it, or share it<br />And it weighs on me<br />These countless threads <br />Colored and dyed<br />In hues of frustration <br />And dread<br />I'd grown accustomed to it<br />Carrying this heaviness <br />Struggling to breathe through it<br />And then you came along<br />Now the world has the tint<br />Of something new in it<br />And it makes me feel brave enough<br />To bare my skin<br />To rid myself of this tattered cloth<br />I've been too long covered up in<br />My soul's song<br />Now aches to be exercised<br />My heart wonders<br />How it would feel to be utilized<br />And I can't help smiling<br />My body warms<br />Uncontrollably <br />And I'm finding<br />That there's something beautiful <br />Something beautiful<br />In you<br />And it shines<br />With a light that is blinding <br />And I'm drawn to your brightness<br />And I'll follow it<br />Til I find you<br />I'll hope against hope<br />That I'm enough for you<br />Not too much for you <br />That I can find my own light <br />To share with you<br />Use it to illuminate you<br />And all those dark wolves<br />Who live in the walls <br />Will see it, and run from you<br />We'll see it, and laugh at it<br />And we can bask in it<br />And live all our days<br />Being each other's peace",
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"published": "2021-04-07T00:24:24+00:00",
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"content": "After all these years\nOf enforced silence \nCan I teach my soul \nTo sing again, for you?\nAfter all these years\nOf being ridiculed into shyness \nCan I teach my heart \nTo open itself, at last, to you?\nOr will I be another \nDisappointment \nTo you?\nI think these thoughts\nAnd I can't bear it\nThis self-doubt\nWoven so thick\nI've been forced to wear it \nUnable to shed it\nDestroy it, or share it\nAnd it weighs on me\nThese countless threads \nColored and dyed\nIn hues of frustration \nAnd dread\nI'd grown accustomed to it\nCarrying this heaviness \nStruggling to breathe through it\nAnd then you came along\nNow the world has the tint\nOf something new in it\nAnd it makes me feel brave enough\nTo bare my skin\nTo rid myself of this tattered cloth\nI've been too long covered up in\nMy soul's song\nNow aches to be exercised\nMy heart wonders\nHow it would feel to be utilized\nAnd I can't help smiling\nMy body warms\nUncontrollably \nAnd I'm finding\nThat there's something beautiful \nSomething beautiful\nIn you\nAnd it shines\nWith a light that is blinding \nAnd I'm drawn to your brightness\nAnd I'll follow it\nTil I find you\nI'll hope against hope\nThat I'm enough for you\nNot too much for you \nThat I can find my own light \nTo share with you\nUse it to illuminate you\nAnd all those dark wolves\nWho live in the walls \nWill see it, and run from you\nWe'll see it, and laugh at it\nAnd we can bask in it\nAnd live all our days\nBeing each other's peace",
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"content": "In the vast distance<br />A land that I've never seen<br />Or thought to visit<br /><br />Where the ocean pounds<br />And clouds cover up the sky<br />And mountains loom large<br /><br />I dream of it now<br />My heart, it aches for it now<br />Like never before<br /><br />The ache grows each day<br />This yearning preoccupies<br />So all-consuming<br /><br />I burn with feeling<br />I am now truly awake<br />My eyes are open<br /><br />I know what I need<br />My soul lusts for such freedom<br />Lusts for connection<br /><br />I need to run, wild<br />Dive into the cold ocean<br />And let loose my scream<br /><br />Emerge new, and clean<br />And ready to live this life<br />Each breath will grip life<br /><br />Each breath could be bliss<br />And I could devour it<br />I could make it mine<br /><br />Perhaps, finally<br />Find freedom in the embrace<br />Of strong, angry arms<br /><br />I'll give all I am,<br />Give myself to a giant,<br />And let him lead me<br /><br />I'll let him teach me<br />And we will work together<br />We will build something<br /><br />It won't be easy<br />Tired muscles and hard work<br />But, there will be love<br /><br />I will have the sea<br />And we will climb the mountains<br />Stars can be blankets<br /><br />Will he accept me?<br />Let me be this animal?<br />Or try to tame me?<br /><br />I want to find out<br />Want to learn about giants<br />All there is to know<br /><br />I'll cross this expanse<br />I will figure out a way<br />And then I'll be free",
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"url": "https://www.minds.com/newsfeed/1226216542084681728",
"published": "2021-04-06T17:06:45+00:00",
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"content": "In the vast distance\nA land that I've never seen\nOr thought to visit\n\nWhere the ocean pounds\nAnd clouds cover up the sky\nAnd mountains loom large\n\nI dream of it now\nMy heart, it aches for it now\nLike never before\n\nThe ache grows each day\nThis yearning preoccupies\nSo all-consuming\n\nI burn with feeling\nI am now truly awake\nMy eyes are open\n\nI know what I need\nMy soul lusts for such freedom\nLusts for connection\n\nI need to run, wild\nDive into the cold ocean\nAnd let loose my scream\n\nEmerge new, and clean\nAnd ready to live this life\nEach breath will grip life\n\nEach breath could be bliss\nAnd I could devour it\nI could make it mine\n\nPerhaps, finally\nFind freedom in the embrace\nOf strong, angry arms\n\nI'll give all I am,\nGive myself to a giant,\nAnd let him lead me\n\nI'll let him teach me\nAnd we will work together\nWe will build something\n\nIt won't be easy\nTired muscles and hard work\nBut, there will be love\n\nI will have the sea\nAnd we will climb the mountains\nStars can be blankets\n\nWill he accept me?\nLet me be this animal?\nOr try to tame me?\n\nI want to find out\nWant to learn about giants\nAll there is to know\n\nI'll cross this expanse\nI will figure out a way\nAnd then I'll be free",
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