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"id": "https://ni.hil.ist/users/ramonita/statuses/113532743540280825",
"type": "Note",
"summary": "Forbidden thoughts thread",
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"published": "2024-11-23T14:29:45Z",
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"content": "<p>I am in front of the blockade. We're all holding arms. Good Cop comes up, not in riot gear like the others but civilian clothes, with a soothing voice and a friendly face, looking for all the world like an affable uncle. He starts talking on how if we leave the occupation peacefully, no one will be prosecuted, you have my word. I shout, "Fuck you, cop!" He looks so deeply hurt in his sensitive feelings, you could see this facial expression from the back seat of a theatre. I kind of admire the skill involved, really.</p><p>Then you tap me on my shoulders from behind, says: "Hey, you don't speak for everyone here".</p><p>Yes I guess you're right, I didn't. So many people took them up on that offer. But I honestly thought I did. I thought people on that blockade were there to defend the forest to the last; I thought "no deals with cops" was our bare minimum bar of consensus. I leave the line, what's the point?, to watch the chainsaws already at work. The forest never had any chance, isn't it? Death, death, murder, all it takes to buy compliance is a mild promise of a lighter slap on the wrist.</p><p>---</p><p>Different occasion: I am wearing a balaclava, as part of an artistic performance in a protest. Another one of you is wearing a yellow vest. Cops come talk to you, for you to come to talk to me: balaclavas are illegal, yes they're aware it's just during the act, but they want it off. "We don't want any problems with the cops", you tell me.</p><p>And I guess you're right, no one there signed up for civil disobedience. But I mean, if I kept my balaclava, what could happen to you or the audience? I would be detained, not you, you did your role as a demo ordner and police messenger.</p><p>It's the way that you said it, you know? The words keep repeating in the back of my mind. "We don't want any problems with the cops." "We don't want any problems with the cops." When the boots come for me y'all are going to stay home when I call, aren't you? That was a rhetorical question, the boots already came for me once and y'all already did.</p><p>Ok it would be wrong of me to shame people for trying to stay safe, all of us have our own baggage and gods know I take too much risks not necessarily for good reasons, gods know I can be a total coward too, even the fact that I am still in Germany with a white-collar job and not in Syria or Gaza or Ukraine makes me one in all the ways that matter. So I am trying very hard not to be disappointed. But what do I do with this pain? Those words hurt more than anything that the cops did.</p><p>It isn't that I think you lack in bravery, not really. I think you're being scammed, that the safety you win with your preemptive compliance is killing you every day and you can't see it, you think you are depressed and suicidal due to something inherent to your nature when you live like a bird in a cage that's so tiny, you never even knew yourself flying and it's just so sad. Du bist nicht allein, they like to chant, but damn if ich bin'nt.</p>",
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"en": "<p>I am in front of the blockade. We're all holding arms. Good Cop comes up, not in riot gear like the others but civilian clothes, with a soothing voice and a friendly face, looking for all the world like an affable uncle. He starts talking on how if we leave the occupation peacefully, no one will be prosecuted, you have my word. I shout, "Fuck you, cop!" He looks so deeply hurt in his sensitive feelings, you could see this facial expression from the back seat of a theatre. I kind of admire the skill involved, really.</p><p>Then you tap me on my shoulders from behind, says: "Hey, you don't speak for everyone here".</p><p>Yes I guess you're right, I didn't. So many people took them up on that offer. But I honestly thought I did. I thought people on that blockade were there to defend the forest to the last; I thought "no deals with cops" was our bare minimum bar of consensus. I leave the line, what's the point?, to watch the chainsaws already at work. The forest never had any chance, isn't it? Death, death, murder, all it takes to buy compliance is a mild promise of a lighter slap on the wrist.</p><p>---</p><p>Different occasion: I am wearing a balaclava, as part of an artistic performance in a protest. Another one of you is wearing a yellow vest. Cops come talk to you, for you to come to talk to me: balaclavas are illegal, yes they're aware it's just during the act, but they want it off. "We don't want any problems with the cops", you tell me.</p><p>And I guess you're right, no one there signed up for civil disobedience. But I mean, if I kept my balaclava, what could happen to you or the audience? I would be detained, not you, you did your role as a demo ordner and police messenger.</p><p>It's the way that you said it, you know? The words keep repeating in the back of my mind. "We don't want any problems with the cops." "We don't want any problems with the cops." When the boots come for me y'all are going to stay home when I call, aren't you? That was a rhetorical question, the boots already came for me once and y'all already did.</p><p>Ok it would be wrong of me to shame people for trying to stay safe, all of us have our own baggage and gods know I take too much risks not necessarily for good reasons, gods know I can be a total coward too, even the fact that I am still in Germany with a white-collar job and not in Syria or Gaza or Ukraine makes me one in all the ways that matter. So I am trying very hard not to be disappointed. But what do I do with this pain? Those words hurt more than anything that the cops did.</p><p>It isn't that I think you lack in bravery, not really. I think you're being scammed, that the safety you win with your preemptive compliance is killing you every day and you can't see it, you think you are depressed and suicidal due to something inherent to your nature when you live like a bird in a cage that's so tiny, you never even knew yourself flying and it's just so sad. Du bist nicht allein, they like to chant, but damn if ich bin'nt.</p>"
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